The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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