Yo dont text me then not text me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
