I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize