Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
