And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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