I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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