Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
