Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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