Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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