He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
