I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
