I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
