i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
