and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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