i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
