And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
