It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
