So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
