we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
