She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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