were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
