I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
