one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
