i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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