what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
