I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
babies were throwing up all over the place
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
