either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize