I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
