Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
