i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
