If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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