The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
