the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
