I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
