You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My vagina just clenched in fear
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
