I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
