Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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