Cold hands, warm shart.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
