You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
