If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize