Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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