My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
