I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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