Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
