You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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