you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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