Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
