Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
