Just cropdusted the office
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Couch. On fire.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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