Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
