yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
