Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
