It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
