tell your sister to shave her snatch
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
