If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
