i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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