Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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