I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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