I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
