i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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