Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
