11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
