Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
