at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my being single is dangerous.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize