If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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