i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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