Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
