FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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