so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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