She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
