maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
