Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
where are my eyebrows?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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