watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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